Relationships are hard and I am not talking about just romantic relationships. I’m talking all relationships. Family relationships, friendships, and courting relationships, they all take real work and it's easy to put the work into people you like.
There is that one friend that calls you at the most inconvenient times but you don’t care, they need you. There is the sibling that calls and you pick up every call and will share every burden with them and then there is the other sibling that makes you cringe and pray to God to give you the strength to deal with the conversation. I think you get the idea.
Or maybe you’re the person that everyone is dodging. I know I have played that role in certain seasons in my life too. Its seasonal don't worry. This blog is filled with crushing moments. Heart aches and wasted time by someone's definition. But in my definition, none of it was wasted; all of it served a purpose. There was a time I wondered if I had a target on my forehead for pain. But lately I have been looking back at my past as well as my friends and I saw something mind blowing.
- One friend was abused as a child and had a mother who showed no affection. Today she’s this boss woman who nurtures her daughter in love. She's an amazing mom.
- One friend had a dad who abandoned him when he was young. Today he’s a single dad; but a present dad, doing his best and it shows.
- One friend suffered from depression anxiety and fear as a child. Today she has a ministry helping women heal.
- One friend was given up for adoptions and suffered abandonment issues. Today she works in the foster system helping children find homes.
- One friend suffered a painful betrayal in her marriage that ended in divorce. Today she’s married to a man who adores her and they are happy on baby number three.
- One friend can’t have children. Today she is serving as a missionary being a mom to a hurting world of God’s children.
"Crushing moments are painful but they are seasonal; it is not a destination."
Every failed relationship taught me what I didn’t want and lead me to what I have.Every crushing moment produced endurance that created a growth that I can’t easily explain.
Every painful destination, and ugly place was like being planted in earthworm consumed dirt with a heavy dropping of fertilizer that in its rightful time produced fruit.It was dark, scary and ugly but I grew in those places. The common denominator between all my friends and myself is Jesus. And without Him most will camp out in these ugly places and make it their permanent residence never to see the light of day.
Someone asked me career advice today and I told them find your tribe, those who will discipline you, those who will challenge you, those who will inspire you and those who will push you. If you want to survive the crushing places you need to do the same and Jesus has to be the head of that tribe.
Shocking update: Jesus had a tribe and in that tribe was a Judas. He knew he would get betrayed and He washed his feet anyway. All those difficult people you are trying to dodge, serve purpose too. I'm not saying take in the toxic relationships. I'm saying that the ones you have endured served a purpose in "pruning you". In order for Jesus to go to the cross there had to be a betrayal, there had to be a Judas.
Every relationship, good, bad, ugly, horrific, serves a purpose and one day you will say like Joseph… “ You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people” Gen 50:20
If you don’t know the story please go read it.
Maybe one day you will sing like David in the Psalms 119:71 “my suffering was good for me, for it taught me to pay attention to your decrees.”
"My God! It was all good for me." - Art of Me