Skip to main content

What crushing moments taught me...

Crushing moments
Relationships are hard and I am not talking about just romantic relationships. I’m talking all relationships. Family relationships, friendships, and courting relationships, they all take real work and it's easy to put the work into people you like. 

There is that one friend that calls you at the most inconvenient times but you don’t care, they need you. There is the sibling that calls and you pick up every call and will share every burden with them  and  then there is the other sibling that makes you cringe and pray to God to give you the strength to deal with the conversation. I think you get the idea.

Or maybe you’re the person that everyone is dodging. I know I have played that role in certain seasons in my life too. Its seasonal don't worry. This blog is filled with crushing moments. Heart aches and wasted time by someone's definition. But in my definition, none of it was wasted; all of it served a purpose. There was a time I wondered if I had a target on my forehead for pain. But lately I have been looking back at my past as well as my friends and I saw something mind blowing.

  • One friend was abused as a child and had a mother who showed no affection. Today she’s this boss woman who nurtures her daughter in love. She's an amazing mom. 
  • One friend had a dad who abandoned him when he was young. Today he’s a single dad; but a present dad, doing his best and it shows.
  • One friend suffered from depression anxiety and fear as a child. Today she has a ministry helping women heal.
  • One friend was given up for adoptions and suffered abandonment issues. Today she works in the foster system helping children find homes.
  • One friend suffered a painful betrayal in her marriage that ended in divorce. Today she’s married to a man who adores her and they are happy on baby number three.
  • One friend can’t have children. Today she is serving as a missionary being a mom to a hurting world of God’s children.

"Crushing moments are painful but they are seasonal; it is not a destination."
Every failed relationship taught me what I didn’t want and lead me to what I have.Every crushing moment produced endurance that created a growth that I can’t easily explain.

Every painful destination, and ugly place was like being planted in earthworm consumed dirt with a heavy dropping of fertilizer that in its rightful time produced fruit.
It was dark, scary and ugly but I grew in those places. The common denominator between all my friends and myself is Jesus. And without Him most will camp out in these ugly places and make it their permanent residence never to see the light of day.

Someone asked me career advice today and I told them find your tribe, those who will discipline you, those who will challenge you, those who will inspire you and those who will push you. If you want to survive the crushing places you need to do the same and Jesus has to be the head of that tribe.

Shocking update: Jesus had a tribe and in that tribe was a Judas. He knew he would get betrayed and He washed his feet anyway. All those difficult people you are trying to dodge, serve purpose too. I'm not saying take in the toxic relationships. I'm saying that the ones you have endured served a purpose in "pruning you". In order for Jesus to go to the cross there had to be a betrayal, there had to be a Judas. 

Every relationship, good, bad, ugly, horrific, serves a purpose and one day you will say like Joseph… “ You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people” Gen 50:20
If you don’t know the story please go read it.

Maybe one day you will sing like David in the Psalms 119:71 “my suffering was good for me, for it taught me to pay attention to your decrees.”  
"My God! It was all good for me." - Art of Me


Anonymous said…
Wow! Just wow! Once again authenticity hits home!
Kimberly said…
Some of us often struggle to wrap our minds around the idea that He works all things together - but once we allow ourselves to believe, it's such a beautiful thing!

Popular posts from this blog

Three steps to Purity- By the Recycled Virgin

So… I looked up the word recycle, and this is what I found. Return (material) to a previous stage in a cyclic process Maybe Recycled virgin isn’t the best name, but in reality looking back that’s exactly what was happening.
I was a single mom, abandoned to raise her kids alone, carrying trauma, and still fighting to attain her dreams. What were those dream? I am still trying to figure that out. But writing would surely be one of them. Sadly I put it on the back burner more often then I should. But I digress, let’s go back to recycle.
I wanted to offer something that I thought you might want to revisit if you’re on this journey of purity. And when I say purity, I mean purity of mind, body and soul. Cause let’s face it if you don’t take control of your thoughts your thoughts will take over and can literally kill you. Its more than just sex, lust and all that good stuff we are holding out for, for our husbands. It’s about our minds, our thoughts. So I thought I share a few things I did to…

To the mom of a molested child

Dear Mom, I don't know how to say this to you. I know your hurting and every time I see you cry I feel like its my fault. Every time someone mentions that your going through a hard time, I feel like its my fault. When you cry in the shower, I feel like its my fault. I know your going through something, but this didn't happen to you, it happened to me. I want to be there for you, and I want to help you get through this, but my innocence was taken not yours. I am trying to find myself in all of this, I can't help you. So if I get quiet, if I stay distant, its because I am trying to heal, and I can't heal helping you. I need you to help me. You can't get mad at me, your not allowed. My world fell apart as a child who needs and rely's on your wisdom and guidance to get through this, but if your going to fall apart and make me feel like your pain is my fault than I can't go to you.  I will look somewhere else.  - signed the art of me to scared to say it
Very few…

He waited for me to get divorced

I sat at the court house recently watching a judge pound the gavel on the table saying, “Marriage dissolved good luck to you…. Next case”
I was there to support a friend because I remember what it was like. I remember everyone being so happy that I was finally divorcing, all except me. I felt like a failure and my kids were hurting. I wanted to mourn my marriage and they wanted to celebrate it, so I went alone. Time drags while you are waiting. I was sitting completely alone and inside me the thoughts consumed me, caused my hands to shake, then my stomach to turn and my chest to tighten. By the time the judge called us my head was cloudy and before I knew it the gavel was in the air about to strike, and my throat wanted to scream, “I’m not ready” but I stood there quietly as fear gripped me that all the years that I invested was over with the strike of his gavel. 2.2 seconds changed what felt like a lifetime of trying to make it work. 
When you’re alone, isolated from the world in y…