Skip to main content

In honor of the dead beat dad

My husband’s father passed away recently. Although I have experienced death before this time things were different. My husband was raised by a single mother. His dad was present in his life as the part-time weekend dad. He wasn’t an ideal father. He had his short comings as everyone else does. I couldn’t help but think about his past, what he might of endured growing up that cultivated him into the man he was on his death bed. Some would call him a "dead beat dad", not me, he served his purpose. 

When my husband got the call I was sound asleep, and rather than wake me up he went to the other room and once done with the call silently crawled back into bed. Then in the morning he woke up, kissed my forehead and woke me up with, “Good morning mi amor, have a good day”. Once up and ready for work my daughter scrolling through the Facebook news feed read the news that my father in law had passed away. I quickly called my husband and he told me, “I didn’t want to ruin your morning, but I got the call last night” and I just took a deep breath and said, “are you OK?” he said yes and changed the subject to shift my direction that he was at work and needed to get off the phone.

I was surprised, days followed and nothing, just silence. He was his normal self and I worried about how this was affecting him internally. After all it was his dad, good or bad, there is a sense of connection with this man and I wondered what was going on. I know I didn’t marry a cold man; this is the same man who cried as I walked down the isle, he was not heartless. Yet I didn’t see him cry.
As the weekend approached I tried to cancel plans but my husband was insistent that it was business as usual. 

So on Saturday my husband worked all day without a bite to eat, just indulged into his work. That evening was out date night with another couple. Now my husband is not one to get drunk at all, but he had a beer on an empty stomach and became very chatty. I must admit I loved it as he is not one to talk about his feelings; he normally deflects emotions with jokes and laughs his pain away. But he sat back in the car on his way home and told me that the day he got the call of his fathers death he dreamed he was opening the door to a smoldering hot furnace, then quickly followed with, “I do not equate dreams with reality” as he knew my mind sent me into worry.

Then he leaned back and said, 
“Is the world a horrible place without my father? No, it’s probably better without him, but at the end of the day, he still my dad.” 
I couldn’t help it at this point; tears were strolling down my face. Not everyone gets the super hero dad my husband is. Then he said,
 “I couldn’t help but think of the people I knew he hurt, so I thought it would be best that I called them to tell them he was gone and as his son I wanted to apologize for the pain he caused them”.  
That was quite the burden to take on.

Today my thoughts are lost on my husband. That was such a heavy burden to take on but what an honorable way to honor his father. His presence and absence in my husband’s life somehow shaped the amazing man that he is today. My husband has the kind heart of his mother but his amazing gift to create is one that people often credit to his father. He had the best of both worlds  captured in him and he is such a good husband, good father, good friend, so loving and caring, and the kind of man that does things in secret never seeking applause. Would he be that way, had his father been present more? 
Things that make you go hmmmm.

But I will say this; I honor my father in law. He blessed my life tremendously and because of him I see that God makes no mistakes. My Clark Kent walks the earth by my side because of him. Every life has purpose and everyone will fulfill what God desires of them. My father in law may not have been the ideal person, but he left this world leaving some amazing treasures, doing amazing things and for that I honor him.  


Popular posts from this blog

Catch your breath

When your single people look at you like your a charity case. That sound's worse than what I mean. I mean, people want to help you. They meet other single people and before you know it they are trying to play cupid. Once they find one interest in common between two single friends the arrows are flying. The only thing wrong with that is that I am Latin, young and a single mom, which places me in a negative statistic category, for those who meet me for the first time. Don't be alarmed, its all right, I am the one saying it. But let anyone else say it and I will punch them in the jugular, I am NOT A STATISTIC. Strangers unfamiliar with me think I am either looking for a baby daddy, or I am looking for someone to ease my financial burden. So match making is not easy. 
But then there are those who know you well and simply want you to be happy. So when they call you with a matchmaking ploy with a stranger that you might have something in common with, all my guards go up and you can…

I want a Christian man

I want a Christian Man!

Well this one took me for a doozie. I really did love being single but every time I walked into church someone would say,
 "Why hasn't someone snatched you up?" "Why are you still single"  "God is preparing a good husband for you"  Oh and every time I went to the altar for prayer people assumed that I was on my knees praying for a husband and they would stop me to say, "God told me to tell you he is coming sister"

Little did they know I was praying for peace when I was at the altar. Being a single mom was rough, it was no walk in the park. My daughter thought I favored my son, and my son thought I favored my daughter. Both responded to things differently which was exhausting. But at the end of the day I really wanted to raise my children to be educated, well balanced believers. I say well balanced because I have run across my fair share of super judgmental believers who walk arrogantly and prideful above the sinners. …

Don't discount yourself

You might think its funny but there is a lot of truth to this statement. I went to a birthday party and they had a bounce house. The bounce house was full of kids just jumping and having a great time, including all my nephew's and nieces. It was a perfect day for the adults to just chill while the kids were very distracted by this bounce house. Trust me when your a parent, this is a big deal. My kids are teenagers at this point but they know no age limit when it comes to acting like a fool in the bounce house.
So I got in line to get my food with the rest of the child free adults and then my son popped out of nowhere, "Mom, can you serve me food" Now I love my children, but they rarely eat at birthday parties when there is so much fun going on. So I needed to know what happened. Something disturbed the force, and apparently my Jedi insights were off because I didn't see it coming. But I was ready to fight for "parent peace", so I made my way to the bounce h…