To the Single me looking for joy during lonely Holidays

 

With the Holiday's upon us I was looking at my journal entries during the holiday seasons of my single life.  I remember how I felt in the moment I wrote it. I was the girl watching my girlfriends get engaged, get married, buying their first home together with the man of their dreams, post pictures kissing the love of their life and I was stagnant.  In the moment it all made me feel like I did so much wrong, I wasn't worthy of such happiness. As I read the pages I can't help but reflect on the pain I felt that I would be alone forever. On most day's I was content with the single life, but during the holidays.... I was a hot mess and didn't hide it well.

   When I looked at the date stamp of my journal entry, it was the year where my kids all had found a love interest. So now all this romance and laughter of being in love infiltrated my "single fortress of solitude."

  Single mom's are known to be super hero's in their kids eyes, but in this journal entry of my life I read how ugly I was in my jealousy of their joy and questioning when will it be my turn, and how "I messed up and I'm sorry". Yeah it was ugly and I wish I could talk to that girl right now, give her advice and warn her. So this is my way of going back in time to talk to me.

Dear Art of Me, 
There are ten points I really need to drive home with you.

1. When you see someone in love, be happy for them as one day it will be your turn and you will remember those who made life difficult because you moved into your happiness. Don't be that girl. And apologize to those you did hurt during your bitter seasons. 
2. Don't settle for the next man that show's interest because your lonely. You do deserve the real deal, wait for it.
3. When people wonder why you're so pretty and intelligent but single, say your overqualified They will laugh and you will validate how good you are as a single woman. 
4. Being Single is a gift and it's GREAT. Stay that way until someone comes along that compliments your life in a way worthy of changing that. 
5. While single, focus on healing from your past hurts so you don't carry them into your marriage. 
6. Trust God in this process, you have no idea how much it will mold you, to who you will become. 
7. Take your thoughts captive, you are your worst critic. God isn't punishing you because of your past mistakes, nor has He forgotten you. Learn to be content in all your seasons. Especially the holidays.  
8. Comparison is the thief of joy. Your single, own it, love it, and lets face it you made it look awesome. So enjoy it while it last. 
9. Learn that marriage isn't the end all. Idolizing marriage is a sin. God's will is the goal. 
10. One day you will get married and your husband will not make you happy. He will compliment you and be your best friend through it all.  Marriage doesn't change who you are, so if you don't like the single you, you won't like the married you. So take the time to learn who God created you to be, because that's where you will find true joy. 

That real joy you are looking for that you thought only married life could bring you, will only come when you learn and follow the path God has for you. Marriage won't answer your problems nor take them away. Marriage is two un-perfect people traveling with baggage together. But when you wait on God's best, whether He gives it to you single or married, is an unreal joy that doesn't die in the face of adversity. That's the goal. Stay focused.  

Your single, not cursed. Your single, not unloved. Your single and that my dear comes with so much freedom. Run in your freedom. This Christmas unwrap the gift singleness. Its an amazing gift.